Genesis, but after Peter Gabriel (scene 1) DRAFT

Dramatis personae

ADAM the first man, considered lazy by his wife, voiced with a Yiddish accent
EVE, Adam's second wife, resents her husband, also voiced with a Yiddish accent
LILITH, Adam's ex-wife, a bit of a snob
SERPENT, really cool, at least he thinks so, loves his limbs to the point of obsession, for some reason Scottish?
GOD, God
NARRATOR, Swears he's reading from the Bible, but I call bullshit


PROLOGUE

NARRATOR: In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth, but it was all very boring so let's skip ahead to the good bit.  A good six days into things, God decided it would be a very smart idea to make people, so He did, and here's account of all the follies to follow, which just goes to show that any idea, no matter how pure in intention, is still really stupid when handled by an incompetent nincompoop.

ACT I, Scene 1

[Enter God, Adam, and Eve into the Garden of Eden]

GOD: Of every tree of the garden though mayest freely eat, but of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die.

ADAM: What? Can you repeat that? I'm a little hard of hearing.

EVE: He said don't eat the fruit. What are you, verkakte?

ADAM: Eat the fruit, don't eat the fruit, so long as you cook it, why would I eat it?

GOD: [sighs] Thou listen! Henceforth, that tree, the one in the middle of the forest, don't eat from it.  Don't even touch it. Just... Just forget about it, okay?

ADAM: Okay, okay, you don't have to yell. I'm right here. Who does this guy think he is? God or something?

EVE: Of course, he thinks he's God.  He is God!  Where you been, mister high-and-mighty first man?

ADAM: You hear this? This is what I get for wanting a wife. She's ribbing me again.

EVE: Ribbing you?  Ribbing you?  Of course I'm ribbing you.  I'm your rib.

GOD: You know what?  Forget it.  I've been working six days straight here. My overtime is out of control.  As of right now, I'm on vacation.  Do what you want.  Stay away from the tree.  I'll be back in the office on Monday.

[Exit God]

ADAM: What was his problem?

EVE: I don't know, but it was probably your fault.

[Exeunt Adam and Eve]

NARRATOR: And so it came to pass, Adam and Eve set about exploring their new garden home, which was a very up and coming neighborhood that would probably gentrify over the next couple years until market values skyrocketed.  Eviction surely loomed in our couple's future, but for now, these were the halcyon days where Adam was unemployed and Eve nagged and both were happy to be miserable with each other.